I was once told that anger lowers your I.Q. by 10 points– that allowing my rage to escalate will have the inverse effect on my ability to form a clear thought. Although I’ve certainly made an ass of myself enough times to see the merit in that theory, I don’t think the equation is that simple. It’s not anger that causes stupidity, or stupidity that causes anger. They’re two sides of the same coin that arise from a single flaw:  lack of preparation.  The anger stems from the shock of an unpleasantly unexpected event—an abrupt indignation that sparks a feeling of “how dare they!” And the stupid, well, if you’ve ever procrastinated on a final exam, or witnessed some poor soul stutter his way through a presentation, you should be well aware of the role that preparation plays in stupid.

Once anger and indignation rear their heads, they’re going to immediately begin to build a dam in your mind that will block any and all intelligent thought from reaching the surface, effectively sealing off the rational part of your brain. Yet, you know as well as I do, that once some jerkoff hits that nerve, not responding isn’t an option: you’re hurt, offended, and feeling unjustly attacked.  Any time your pride is wounded, your first instinct is to fight back; and unless you have the emotional discipline to step back and take a deep breath, you will be in the first stages of your transformation into an angry idiot, and a shouting match will be close behind.

Here’s the thing about an angry idiot:  deep down he or she is aware that they’re being irrational and should stop talking immediately, but the logic and reason necessary to make that decision are trapped behind the dam. While that dam is in place, and the Angry Idiot has control, he will never admit to being wrong. He’s come too far in defense of his pride to turn back now.  The Angry Idiot just wants to bask in his justified rage for as long as it has control, with the sole purpose of wounding the other person more than it has been wounded.  That’s why we find ourselves not only saying horrible things that we don’t mean, but shouting them at full volume. The Angry Idiot knows it only has a small window of opportunity before the dam breaks and we begin to regret ever letting it off the chain in the first place. So, it does maximum damage while damage can still be done.

I’m not asking you to avoid confrontation from fear of losing control. I’m asking you not to confuse self-respect with an inflated sense of pride. I’m asking you to take a few deep breaths, and do your best to keep the idiot at bay. Essentially, I’m asking you to fucking think.