#1. You know that scene at the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when Indy has to make the leap of faith into a bottomless pit? So, he closes his eyes and takes a step only to discover there was an invisible bridge in front of him the whole fuckin’ time.* My experience has been a lot like that. Working up the nerve to get on the plane was the most difficult part; and even then, I had a little help from an orange plastic bottle. These days, my boss pretty much handles anything and everything that requires a sense of maturity: rent, utilities, taxes, you name it. Anything with the potential to make me a bigger pain in the ass is handled before the money changes hands.

#2. Yet, to the untrained eye, it actually looks like I’m doing something with my life. It’s a limbo between college and adulthood; a way to seem like a grown up without actually growing up. I highly recommend it to any recent college grads who decided to spend the last four years destroying their bodies instead of preparing for this moment. Well, don’t fret, my stupid friend. Just grab whichever useless degree kept you eligible, and find a job waiting tables until your criminal record gets cleared. Then, get on a Korean Job forum and shotgun that resumé across the internet like its last night’s taco bell. It’s a numbers game, so don’t be afraid to paint the bowl. Maximum coverage is a good thing. It shouldn’t take more than couple weeks, as long as you don’t interview like an asshole. Then bing-bang-boom, you’ve got your very own set of adult world training wheels. Congratulations. In this country, everyone over twenty drinks like the world’s about to end. So you’ll fit in just fine.

#3. There will be some drawbacks, mainly in regard to the languague barrier; like the frequent paranoia that your co-workers are talking about you, in front of you. But on that same note, you don’t have to listen to all of the bullshit that falls out of people’s heads on a daily basis: gossip, workplace drama, opinions grounded in ignorance, etc. Not to mention, the majority of people are going leave you alone. Even panhandlers. They turn to see my pasty face, and just ‘nope’ right back the other way. And sure, every cutlure is going to have there fair share of racist old men, ready to berate a foreigner for no good reason; but they’re a lot easier to deal with when you don’t have a clue what they’re saying.

Footnotes

*And if you don’t know what I’m talking about….what is wrong with you? Stop reading this crap and go watch that movie. I assure you it’s a thousand times more fulfilling than anything I have to say.