…I have been plagued by a burning curiosity, lost in contemplation over one of the greatest pop culture mysteries of our time. Yet, as it goes with most of life’s great philosophical journeys, the answer becomes more elusive with every step. The subject of my intense meditation is the possible motivations behind the humble career choice of one of America’s greatest fictional adventurers:
What inspired Mario to be a plumber?
Were Mario’s extraordinary abilities merely a product of circumstance? Did Princess Peach’s initial kidnapping activate some secret reserve of untapped potential previously unbeknownst to the pudgy Italian protagonist, or was the blue-collar career choice made in full awareness of his uncommon capabilities?
It’s difficult to imagine that a man with such universal talents would subject himself to a path of such limited ambition. Granted, Mario has never shown any signs of engaging in any form of abstract thought, a fact made evident by his ten word vocabulary and preference to express his emotions with inarticulate hoots and grunts. However, this uncaped crusader’s athleticism is off the charts, being an accomplished stock car racer while excelling in tennis, golf, baseball, and soccer. Not only has he competed in the summer and winter Olympics, but was an eligible participant in every single event. The sheer stamina required for that level of physical duress could earn him millions in endorsements. As a consequence, I think it’s safe to rule out a financial motive for Mario’s everyman occupation.
Next, there’s the possibility that the plumber gig was intended as a cover to protect those closest to him: every superhero needs a secret identity right? Wrong. Mario is one of the video game world’s biggest narcissists, never passing up an opportunity to plaster his name (in bold letters) all over any organization or event with which he gets involved. Accordingly, it would be understandable if he lacked concern for his own safety, but nor does he have consideration for the safety of his family, exemplified by the frequent abductions of his girlfriend and idiot brother. Though to be fair to Mario, you’d think a princess would have more capable security than a bunch of talking mushrooms.
Consequently, if we must rule out the application of a secret identity, then we find ourselves in the realms of speculation, and would not be remiss for postulating that Mario’s employment in the plumbing industry was pursued as a means of honoring his lineage. My very limited research uncovered little to no reference in regard to the familial origins of the Mario brothers. You can find out a great deal about a man’s motives by studying the deeds of his forefathers, but the only history we have on Mario is the fact of a very general Italian heritage. For all we know, the Mario family tree could be ripe with plumbers, which would also explain why Luigi took up a similar mantle despite being remarkably less competent.
Beyond that, I can only see one other logical option: he enjoys it. It could be that within the hurricane of celebrity and adventure that is Mario’s existence, plumbing is the method by which he unwinds, finding the monotony of manual labor to be therapeutic. Although, if the answer is that simple, it would mean the last three hours of my life and the resulting blog post were a complete waste of time. Debatable, but I choose to keep dreaming.