Do you ever get the feeling that our parents lied to us our entire childhood? For our own good, of course. Children are some of the most selfish, stubborn, people on the planet, but luckily they’re also some of the dumbest. Their minds are easily manipulated, which is good because manipulation seems to be the only way to sculpt them into decent humans.

First, there are the lies they tell us so we behave, which normally center around omniscient fictional characters that reward us for being good. Those are the most fun, the only downside being that discovering the truth viciously sucks all of the magic and wonder from our tiny souls. Then, there are the lies they tell us because we ask awkward questions and they don’t have four hours to spare:  “Go back to bed. Mommy and Daddy were just wrestling.” Finally, there are the lies they tell us simply because we irritate them, and beatings are no longer socially acceptable. Those are all completely understandable. However, there’s one lie they tell that still bothers me to this day, mainly because I’m not convinced it’s in our best interest:  “Study hard, get into a good college, get a good job, and you’ll be happy.

I guess it’s not so much lying to us as it is misleading us by a conscious exclusion of information. They say that hard work now will pay off later, which is true, but they leave out the part where the hard work doesn’t stop. We bust our asses to get those elusive college degrees that we’re told will make life so much easier, and when we finally get them, they’re like “Congratulations! You did it! But now you’re 30 grand in debt, so you should probably just do that forever.” It would be like training months for a marathon, and when you finally get across the finish line someone hands you piece of paper and says, “Good job. Now keep going for the next five decades.”

Too many of us are choosing our career paths based on what will provide us with the financial stability to travel, or start a family, or support our drug habits…you know, things that are actually fulfilling, not spending a third of our lives at a job we hate, taking orders from a boss we want to junk punch (or tit slap…I’m all for equal opportunity), and coming home to the mindless menagerie of crap that passes for entertainment these days.

Our parents have to know that we’ll figure their con out eventually, but by that time we’re already chest deep in an education that we may or may not want, and it’s easier to just commit than to start over. At that point in life, following your dreams is no more realistic than a fat man in a red suit, who constantly monitors children, and isn’t a pedophile. Nobody follows their heart anymore. Luckily, I figured it out my freshman year of college. That’s why I never pursued business, finance, or law; I couldn’t stand the idea of wearing a tie for the rest of my life…

Okay, that last bit was a lie. I didn’t have a direction in college simply because I was an apathetic piece of shit who never developed an appreciation for finance because my parents saw to it that I never wanted for anything. I got high for most of my college career. I came up with all of that other bullshit last week. Sounds good though, right?