I despise election season. It’s not just because I live in a battleground state that gets engulfed in campaign ads; those can be ignored. It’s the people that I hate:  all of the condescending douche-nozzles that come out of the woodwork to pretend like their opinions actually matter. Anyone who broaches the subject of politics, especially in a bar, is trying to accomplish one of two things. Either they’re actively trying to pick a fight, or appear socially responsible and well informed, when in reality, they’re just regurgitating someone else’s ideas, passing them off as their own, and then looking around to see how impressed everyone is. I may be cynical, but I don’t think there is a single person alive who will ask someone else their political views because they legitimately want to hear them. More likely, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk, or can’t wait to tell you why your opinion is wrong.

As a result, I typically try to avoid the topic altogether, especially with people older than me.  There’s just no winning when you’re young. We want to seem like active members of society, but we’re too busy chasing our dreams and trying to get laid to truly give a shit. Older people know this. They’re envious of this. So they ask us our opinions just to make us feel stupid and give themselves a false sense of superiority. I urge you, dear reader, do not take the bait. I know your pride will fight you on this, but resist. It’s a trap. They’ll sneer at you for not forming an opinion about the world around us, and then when you finally do, they’ll disregard it and call you naive. “You just don’t understand,” they’ll say.

No shit, we don’t understand. Do you know how difficult it is to develop a well-informed opinion on political policy when most of the information readily available to the public is all rhetorical bullshit? The whole arena has devolved into a culture war, and instead of enlightening the general public by helping them navigate the major points (you know, news), it creates a nationwide shouting match where the loudest voices prevail, regardless of the insanity they’re spewing. Sure, every one claims to have an open mind, and yet they only follow news that reinforces the opinion they already have (I believe that’s called hypocrisy).

Arguing about politics is a lot like arguing about religion: everyone thinks they’re right and no one is willing to compromise.  Here’s a list of phrases you will never here in a political discussion: “That’s a good point.” — “I disagree, though I can see things from your point of view.” — “Thank you for introducing me to such a fresh perspective.”  There can’t be a winner when truth is subjective, and arguments are based on the future outcomes of present actions.

I think that political debates are the only proof we need that humans evolved from monkeys. Intelligent discussion quickly gives way to personal attack, and the whole format devolves into a childish stalemate, where neither side has anything original to say so they both just keep screeching and throwing the same shit at you over and over and over. It’s no wonder all of these white collar criminals get away with the systematic rape of our financial system: they know the majority of the population is too stupid to know when they’re being fucked. I certainly am.